We wanted a fairly easy trip in the Philippines with little travelling and more relaxing so we tried to pick islands that were fairly close to each other but we didn’t do a great job of that. Today we were travelling from Moalboal to Malapascua which is a tiny car-less island just above the northern tip of Cebu island. A trike took us to the bus stop and then we popped into Jollibees for breakfast, it’s a famous Filipino fast food joint and we’ve never been there before so we thought we’d give it a try. We ordered egg-muffin style things and it literally took 20 minutes for our order to arrive, so not exactly fast food but then we tasted it and the bun was so sweet. It was like a honey infused bun with an egg and cheese so quite a bad combination and one we won’t be repeating. Luckily we just managed to make the next bus taking us to Cebu city. It was a three hour journey just to get there but next we needed another bus to take us north to the port of Maya and this journey took 5 long hours. It was such a slow bus, stopping at people’s front doors instead of at bus stops and we didn’t arrive until sunset. We’d anticipated this journey taking a long time and thought we’d miss the last ferry to Malapascua so we pre-booked a hotel at the port which turned out to be a great decision because we did indeed miss the last boat.

The following morning the host at our hotel gave us bananas, Filipino plums and sticky rice to take away for a little breakfast on the boat. There were about 5 other tourists onboard the large bangka which is a traditional Filipino boat, very narrow and unstable so they all have big pieces of bamboo on either side to balance the boat and prevent it from capsizing. They also can’t change direction very well so as we approached Malapascua and began chugging across the clear water a worker was at the front of the boat, using a bamboo stick to jab down into the sand and direct our boat onto the beach where a wooden plank was precariously positioned for us to walk down.

It was supposed to just be an 800m walk to our accommodation but a couple of wrong turns meant it was a kilometre which obviously isn’t much more but the heat is so suffocating that those final 200m were unbearable. We eventually arrived at yet another fan room, I don’t know what’s wrong with us, we keep picking them over air conditioned rooms because they’re much cheaper, this one was £9 a night so each day we’re saving a few quid but geez, it’s not worth it. We keep thinking the next room will be cooler but they just get worse and it’s actually cooler outside than in the room. Also Malapascua seems to be hotter than the other places we’ve visited in the Philippines. For example Siquijor has highs of 29° and lows of 24° but Malapascua has highs of 35° and lows of 31° so absolutely no respite from the heat. Anyway, the island is usually visited by people who want to scuba dive with thresher sharks who can be seen year round here. They’re a really funny looking shark with cartoon like faces and an over-sized tail. You need to be an advanced diver (which we’re not) to go down to the right depth to see them and also I’m not a fan of diving these days as I’ve lost all my confidence so we were probably rare tourists visiting the island for other reasons – it’s beaches.

Malapascua is only 2km from top to bottom and around 800m wide. It’s tiny and very walkable which was a big perk to us. It’s also home to around 20 beaches so we headed to one just a few steps away from our sauna, I mean guesthouse, to check it out. There was a nice section of beach to swim in and the water was actually deep enough that the water felt cool, unlike in Siquijor’s bath tub temperature water.

Fishing is very popular amongst the locals and it seemed like every family owned a boat or two, many of which were moored up on the beach. We saw ladies laying on the sand tying knots in line to create huge fishing nets. Sadly along with the useable boats there were quite a few abandoned ones, like skeletons washed to shore.

Malapascua felt like a very traditional island where locals lived a simple life. It had a nice vibe with sandy lanes leading around the island and pink flowers forming shady canopies across the paths. Many of the houses alongside the beach were made of woven palm leaves. Their shower was outside in the form of a bucket that they dipped in a well, washing outside with their clothes on. Everyone also seemed to own cockerels and chickens. Cock fighting is very popular in the Philippines and can earn the winning owner a small fortune, it’s a big part of the culture here but there’s no denying it being a brutal sport – with sharp blades strapped to the cocks legs.

We continued walking through the lanes to another section of the beach which was absolutely beautiful. This wasn’t a boat harbour style area like near our hotel, this was a dreamy white sand beach with the most twinkling blue water. There was the odd boat on the sand and resorts dotted along the shoreline who had sun-beds set up but it was still paradise and there was hardly a soul around. I think because most people come here to dive the beaches are empty as everyone is at the dive sites. We had a lovely swim in the sea but there was one little downside – a strong current pushed dozens of jellyfish past us, luckily they didn’t appear to sting, either that or we were very lucky to avoid them.

We continued walking to another beach where there’s a marine sanctuary, it seemed well protected with a big sign explaining do’s and don’t, a limit on how many people can be in the water at the same time and a worker even standing by the beach to enforce the rules. No bags were allowed to be left on the shore so we popped then on the adjacent beach and took it in turns to snorkel. Once again we were the only people around and it was a little creepy in the water on my own as the visibility wasn’t great and the current was very strong. A rope marked the outside of the sanctuary so it was something to grab onto at least if I got swept out but heck I didn’t want to go that far out. Anyway, the sanctuary is a haven for reef sharks and eventually I came across them. First I saw one and then they just kept appearing until there must’ve been 10 of more below me. They were a few meters down so the visibility wasn’t great and the sharks were fast swimmers, seemingly unaffected by the current. I felt a bit uncomfortable being so far from the shore so I headed back to safety and relaxed at the beach.

We spent about 6 days on Malasapcua and the first day was by far the best with ideal conditions, the beach looked like the Maldives. But the dreamy weather didn’t last and we had the tail end of a typhoon pass by the island which brought strong winds, a big swell and heavy downpours. Seaweed washed up on the south beach and the water turned a murky brownish colour. We decided to walk across the island, up to the north beach and see if that was any better. One big problem that can’t be ignored on Malapascua is the rubbish. It’s one of the worst condition islands we’ve ever visited. There’s clearly no system or method for disposing rubbish here and the locals just throw it on the floor. For example the route to our guesthouse leads through the grounds of a community where the dirt floor is covered in rubbish, imagine leaves covering the floor in autumn – it’s like that but it’s plastic wrappers. To access the various beaches in the north we walked through little neighbourhoods and the rubbish situation was the same, lots of people sat around chatting, playing pool etc while being surrounded by litter. It was so disappointing, there’s an environmental fee we had to pay to enter the island yet the locals just buy something from the shop and drop the wrapper on the floor. I don’t want to just blame it on the locals, the government needs to help implement some methods to help tidy things up, maybe concrete circles like we’ve seen in some countries, so all the rubbish can be put inside and burnt and while I know that’s not a good method of disposing of rubbish I think it’s better than what they’re currently doing. There’s an extra responsibility living by the sea, all of the litter just gets blown into the water and eaten by marine life so things really need to change here. It’s also the first place we visited in the Philippines that has flies everywhere. We constantly had them coming into our room and the market stalls had flies all over the fruit and vegetables.

Anyway, we didn’t get a good vibe from the villages in the north, there was so much rubbish and we saw kids abusing puppies. We also saw kids grabbing crabs out the sand, tying them onto string and then torturing the poor things by connecting the rope to a stick in the sand and throwing rocks at the crab. When I saw them do that I stormed over and said to stop hurting the animal “it’s not an animal” was their response. I had to explain that it feels pain and how would you like it if I tied you up and got all my friends to throw rocks at you? I don’t know if my speech worked, I mean their parents strap blades to cockerels legs to fight to the death so they just don’t have the respect or empathy for animals. Anyway, the north beach was a complete contrast to the south, the sea was totally calm and inviting so we spent the rest of the day there.

On our walk back we spotted a rather bizarre sight. Four piglets were roaming free on a boat! It looked like the crew had been cursed and turned into pigs. Such a strange thing to witness but we soon saw locals chasing pigs through the village and it seemed like once they caught them they popped them on the boat with some food.

There were some nice eateries on the island like a vegetarian reggae restaurant on the beach where a live band played every night. We got chatting to a waitress there because they asked for payment as soon as people ordered which was quite unusual and she explained that it’s because some people didn’t pay and it came out of her pocket – and this was a big reality check because she said she earns just 430 pesos a day which is less than £6…per day! And that’s normal in the Philippines. There was also a rustic wooden tattoo shop we visited, not for a tattoo but to get their delicious smoothie bowls every morning.

We had no idea that the island didn’t have fresh water so every shower was with salty water, now imagine your skin being salty and not having air conditioning to remove the sticky, sweaty feeling. Shampoo and soap don’t function properly in salt water so we were left with residue all over us, grimy feeling hair and white soap patches all over our clothes. I guess I’m not cut out for island life because it felt so damn good to have a freshwater shower when we got back to Cebu city. We also treated ourselves to our final massage before leaving the Philippines and a scrub too which was a terrible decision. The room had the air conditioning on so cold and they slathered us in slightly grainy slop. It was weird because they started scrubbing with quite abrasive grains (in a good way) but then they changed mix or something and it didn’t feel like it was scrubbing at all. So there I was for a whole hour, unbearably cold, covered in a white paste that I think I was allergic to because my legs were itching like crazy. I felt like I’d been swimming in the arctic and then laid down in a sun-bed that was covered in a pool of water after heavy rain and then some kids came along and threw some sand on me. When it was time for me to lie on my back she placed a dignity towel across my breast, when I say towel I mean a FLANNEL which literally just laid in the centre of my chest while my boobs fell sideways towards arms, totally uncovered by the flannel. To make matters worse Craig was on the bed next to me and his masseuse had some sort of reflux problem and couldn’t contain his burps. Oh my goodness it was vile, like a pre-vomit curdle style burp. After an torturous hour we were sent to a bathroom to shower off the itchy paste, which soaked my knickers through. They didn’t actually have a shower, it was a Mandi style where you scoop water from a bucket onto yourself. The massage was also disappointing with her being way too rough and trying to crack my spine when all I wanted was a nice gentle massage and to be warm. It was probably the least enjoyable treatment I’ve ever paid for…not exactly ending our time in the Philippines on a high!