Returning to Australia was never really part of our plan. It was the first country we ever visited together back in 2008 when we lived in a station wagon car for 9 months which also housed a family of mice, humongous cockroaches and hand-sized spiders, maybe that’s why we never planned on coming back? But after the Philippines we weren’t sure where to go next, Pakistan was definitely a country we wanted to visit but it’s quite far west so we wanted to be sure there wasn’t anything else we wanted to see on this side of the world. We were toying with the idea of exploring some pacific islands which would involve a stopover in Australia but the pacific all seemed way too expensive so in the end we decided to stick with the Australia plan and booked a flight to Perth. We never made it to Western Australia on our last trip so it’s exciting to be in a different area and our plan is to rent a car for 15 days, buy some camping gear and explore the south western corner of the country.

We had about 30 plus hours of travel to reach Perth from the Philippines because it was cheaper to buy 3 separate flights and we didn’t want to miss any of them so there were two 8 hour layovers and in Manila we had to wait 2 hours for our luggage to arrive on the carousel. I went up to the counter to ask what was happening and to grab some goodies because they were handing out free biscuits and you know I’m going to take advantage of that. There was a lady at the desk using a laptop who noticed me and said ‘you can take them, their free’ so I asked her what was happening and she explained that because it was raining they couldn’t bring the luggage off the plane!!! I’ve never heard anything so crazy, it’s not even the rainy season so Manila must shut down if it can’t handle a one-off shower. Anyway I asked her a couple more questions and then she began giggling uncontrollably and said “I’m sorry, I don’t actually work here” and we all roared with laughter, she was just using the plug socket behind the counter and tapping away on her laptop. We had to sleep on the floor in Kuala Lumpur airport for the second time this year, both times security has moved us on. It’s literally the most inhospitable airport as it just has curved chairs which you can’t lay down on and no head rests so you can’t even put your head back.

Eventually, we made it to Perth where we’d booked a hostel to stay for the first night. It was along a residential road and access was via a locked gate with a sign saying to check your email for a PIN code. We didn’t have WiFi and couldn’t find a code, there was a buzzer but the strict sign said “if we’ve sent you a code and you ring the buzzer when staff aren’t working then you’ll be charged” geez. Anyway I heard someone coming to the gate so I leaned towards it to listen better and loudly said “hi, sorry we have a booking but we don’t know the pin to enter” and that’s when Craig said “Lauren, he’s standing behind you!” Oh my goodness I was so embarrassed, he was just a guest trying to enter the hostel and I was talking through the goddam gate thinking he was on the other side. Needless to say we felt very old and out of place in the hostel, we also couldn’t be bothered with conversations after such a long travel day so we headed to Dominos for pizza and in a huge contrast to accommodation prices which are sky high in Australia, a large pizza cost just £3.50. Absolutely bonkers, the same pizza would probably cost £15-20 in England. As we went to walk back to our hostel it absolutely chucked it down with rain, Asian monsoon style. The worrying thing was the forecast didn’t suggest any rain and yet it continued with these heavy bursts throughout the night – rather disconcerting considering we’ll be sleeping in a tent from tomorrow night.

We slept like logs and woke early the next day to travel back to the airport to pick up our rental car. We signed the documents and declined the insurance cover because the company we booked through supplied full cover, however we were told if any damage happened then there would be a $3000 excess per item! It was at that point that we phoned the company we booked through to ask what the fuck that was all about and they assured us that they would reimburse us if we had to pay, as long as we kept all receipts and paperwork. We already felt uncomfortable about the rental due to the excess but then we were given the keys to a brand new suv. It literally had just 700km on the clock and not a single mark on it. When I say we were given the keys we were given a fob and we couldn’t figure out how to start the car without a key – turns out there’s a button you press. Damn, I hate new cars. We were also charged $150 extra because we were driving out of the designated zone on their map, which is ridiculous because we paid for unlimited mileage. Their map had a 500km radius around Perth and anything beyond that required payment which was an absolute joke.

First stop was a shopping mall where we had to buy our camping gear and food and it took quite a few hours. We were going back and forth to different shops searching for the cheapest prices. We decided to get a 3 person tent this time as the one we had in Oman was just too small. So that cost us £20 which was the most expensive item and then we opted for air beds this time as they were only £4 each. Bedding was also extremely cheap and we got single duvets for £3.50 each and two pillows for £1.75. Bonkers. Obviously the quality was very low but we didn’t realise quite how low until we had our first night sleeping with them.

We didn’t leave the city until 4pm and it’s June which is winter in Australia so sunset was only an hour away. Luckily it didn’t take us long to leave the traffic behind and be on empty roads leading through bush land. Signs warned us of kangaroos and now was prime time for them to be out and about so we were being very cautious. I found an area we could camp on my map, a sort of bush rest area a little way from the road so a lot more peaceful than a classic rest area. We arrived at dark, our headlights lighting up the eucalyptus trees so we could suss out a place to pitch our tent. It was creepy as fuck to be honest, I need to stop listening to Australia’s true crime podcasts.

We found a flat area to pitch and began erecting our tent which was an appalling design and probably wouldn’t work without help from a second person. Then it literally ripped right at the top and the seams looked like they were screaming at us. I checked my map to see where the next Big W store was on our trip to exchange it and found out there weren’t any so I guess we’re gonna have to just tape the hole up and hope spiders aren’t clever enough to wrangle their way in. We knew the single skin tent wouldn’t be reliable if it rained so we also purchased a tarpaulin which turned out to be too small to cover our tent. To keep access to the front door we found a rickety old stick and popped it into place. Our set up looked rather embarrassing to be honest so I’m glad we had the place to ourselves and no one judging us. Craig cooked dinner under torch light, a basic pasta and sauce and then we turned our lights off and gawped at the dark sky filled with stars.

Neither of us slept well, the main problem was the temperature, it was so cold! I thought airbeds would be warm because they keep you off the floor but it turns out they just transfer the cold air from the ground and hold it in the bed. I was desperately trying to tuck my thin, duvet underneith me to try and keep warm but at about 2am we both decided to get up and put some more clothes on. As soon as we went back to bed I saw car lights shine our way and I felt so uncomfortable. I even put our knife in my bag so I had a weapon incase anyone attacked us over night and I was wondering at what point I should grab it. I had my ear plugs out, trying to listen to what was happening but eventually the vehicle drove off. I still didn’t feel very settled. In fact it was in Australia that we had the most scary camping situations of our travels. One time a drugged up lady threatened to slash our tyres while we were inside the car, we also had some yobs driving doughnuts around us, but I was assured by a friend that WA is a lot less crazy than the east and luckily no more creepy cars pulled up that night. I guess it was a blessing in some sense, the adrenaline and fear pumped a little extra heat into my body.

We woke before the sunrise, the horizon was a deep orange colour and soon enough the sun was hitting all the white bark on the eucalyptus trees, turning them red. Steam was rising from our freshly made coffees and Craig set out making us fried eggs with English muffins which I’ve been craving for ages.

Then we needed to dry our tent on the inside as it was covered in condensation from the chilly night. Eventually we hit the road, and it was so quiet. We couldn’t believe how few cars we were passing along the way. There weren’t many points of interest along this road east except for the famous Wave Rock but we did pass many salt lakes which we stopped to walk around. They were extremely shallow but with crystal clear water that changed colour depending on where we viewed them from, some had a yellow tinge while others were turquoise. We passed through a village where police were setting up a breathalyser test and not long after a van drove past us, unknowingly heading their way with a windscreen that was completely crushed and broken! I guess he’d hit a kangaroo very recently but he was about to get a shock when he reached the police check as there’s no chance it was legal to drive that car as he couldn’t even see through the windscreen.

After a few hours driving we arrived at Wave Rock where we had some lunch on a picnic bench and got swarmed by flies. The rock is just a short walk from the carpark and it was quite fascinating, shaped like a wave in the sea but out of orange rock. We visited at a great time as the rock was all in the sun unlike some photos I’d seen where half of it is covered in shade. Craig pretended to surf along the rock and we actually spoke to an Australian guy who said when he was younger him and a friend took their surfboards to the rock to get some classic photos. A trail led us above the wave which offered a pretty cool vantage point of the swirling patterns through the rock. We continued our walk to do a big loop route past some blue salt ponds where flies swarmed us the entire way, I can’t imagine what it’s like in summer here.